Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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