its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
