I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
