Hippo gnu deer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
