I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
