Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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