if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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