i already hear my dad disowning me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize