Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
