your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
