how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
