remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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