I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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