you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
