Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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