doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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