she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do vagina's smell?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
