saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
