Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
