I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
