He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
