i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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