my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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