No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You need Xanax blowdarts
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize