I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
