You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
