That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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