Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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