it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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