a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize