right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
