Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you would pick up someone in the library
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
