i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
