I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
