And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
