Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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