Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
