Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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