I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
