she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
