I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
