i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
