last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
