I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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