It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
