Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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