Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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