I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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