I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
