Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
