Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize