I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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