I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
