i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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