Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He better not be in your backpack
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
