I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
