I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
