apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
