i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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