3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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