I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
