she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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