i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i love accidental penises.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
