Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sext me about skeletons
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
