You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
