not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize