He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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