remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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