I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
