just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
