You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
