My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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