Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
