I'm laying in your front yard are you home
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
