Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's the barista slut.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
