i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
