i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We talked him into tasing himself.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
