when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
