you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
