Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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