So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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