there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
